Thanksgiving

Today I'm remembering where and who I was one year ago.

One year ago I was fighting back the urge to be homesick. I was living in Wales and learning more about God than I ever have before. It was some of the roughest training that God has put me through, but it was also some of the most fun I've ever had. It was great having so many strong Christians pouring themselves into me. If it hadn't have been for them I would have never made it thru God's sharpening. The three 1/2 months I was in Wales made me see God like I've never seen Him before. I did not stay the full year like some of the students. It wasn't meant for me to stay. I know that now.

God brought me back home to share all (or as much as I could) that I had learned. I am a wiser person now than I was one year ago, that I am thankful for. In the year I have been back I have gone to SETC and interview with many theatres for a summer job. I was a semester missionary at Jacksonville State University. That was God's response to me needing a job and needing to learn a few more things. I taught a Bible Study on The Purpose Driven Life. (Thank you to Rob for that class in Wales!) I was in the JSU Drama Department's production of Crazy for You (it was a lot of fun to get to act, dance, and sing with all those young people). I got a job thru SETC at Williamstown Theatre Festival in Williamstown, Massachusetts, as the company stitcher. God really used me among people who needed to know that it was possible to be in Theatre and still be a Christian actually living a Christian life. When I returned this summer from my job in Massachusetts I was given a job at Papa John's as an insider (that's someone who only works in the store as appose to a driver who delivers pizzas.). I miss Wales and the atmoshere there everyday here in the States, despite all my efforts to be happy "at home."

And thru all that my Dad's mom, Tear, died the Tuesday after Easter. Then my Mom's mom, Grandmother, died the Monday after my birthday, just a week after my return from Massachusetts. I didn't get my financial aid for Spring or Fall 2006, so I've not been in school for a year and a half.

It is only because of God's unending grace and love that I have not gone completely crazy. I did walk thru a very deep valley there for a while, but I am now slowly coming out of it. He has shown me all that He has accomplished this past year despite my best efforts. He is in control and everyday I must remind myself of that. I have to die to myself everyday and stop trying to be in control of my own life. I'm not sure what God has planned for me but I'm starting to get real excited.

I would ask that any who read this to pray that I would lessen as God increases in me and my life. This life is not my life, but His. Everything I have is because of Him. He is the Giver and I am but the humbled receiver. I don't know where I'll end up or what I'll be doing this time next year, but I do know that God's in complete control. Who knows maybe I'll be living in another country working for Him next year. I can only hope, and hope I will do until my Savior returns! God bless you all!

~Stella

Today

I'm not sure where to start. Because I'm not sure how I let it get this far. My life is completely out of my control. Everything I've tried to fixed has blown up in my face. Stupid flesh. God has control, I have to stop trying to take over my life. There are times when I know that I want to be a costume designer and then there are those time when I know that I want to be a missionary. I learned this summer that I can do both, but is that what God wants or is that what Stella wants. It's amazing how low the valleys I walk through these days have gotten.

It makes no since for me to feel like this. Is life really that bad? It feels like it is right now. My grandmother's are gone. I don't make enough at my job to support myself. I'm having a hard time getting another one to fix that problem. I'm forever falling for guys that can't love me back right now (how stupid can a girl get). I wait on impossible dreams. I guess that's why they are dreams. I can't stop outsiders or insiders from hurting my family members. It hurts me to see them suffer. I doubt a lot lately. The scary part is that I don't doubt God, I doubt myself and what I'm hearing. All I've done for the past two weeks is cry at the dumbest things.

I don't like crying because it shows that I'm weak. Maybe that's the lesson I'm to learn: I'm not strong. or Crying doesn't mean you're not strong. Right now I hate my life and what I've done with it.

I'm sure I'm just freaking out because my ten year class reunion is coming up next year, and according to the standard of the world and some of my family and friends is that I'm a failure. And today I feel like one. I'm 27 years old and what do I have to show for my time here? No husband, kids, real job, house, education. Nothing. I feel like a loser today, maybe tomorrow I'll feel better. Or this might take some time. Who knows? I don't. If I didn't have Jesus I would have absolutely no hope of this getting any better. I need to spend some time seeing my life thru His eyes.


~Stella

What An Artist

What an Awesome artist God is.




Sunsets proclaim just a glimise of His creativeness.




I often sit and watch the sun set and in these closing moments of the day I feel as though God is painting me a picture.




Every sunset is a different painting.




Like snowflakes no two are identical.




Sunsets are an ever changing picture, full of surprises.




Each cloud that moves is like God making a new brush stroke.



The sky is a never ending canvas.
I marvel at Your creativeness.
It, like You never changes.
Thank You for showing me Your AWESOMENESS in something so small as the sky!

Summer Theatre Job

This theatre totally rocks!!! I'm having an awesome time here in at WTF- Williamstown Theatre Festival!! This is truly what God's plan for my life is. I absolutely love it. I got to meet the awesome Sharon Lawrence from Law and Order, and NYPD Blue. She is a very nice woman. I'm currently stitching her costumes for the play Anything Goes. I hope all you guys are having as great of a summer as I am. Love you guys!!

~Stella

Now what to do?

Anybody want to drive me to Massachusetts? Or have a spare plane ticket there?

~Stella

Mother's Day 2006

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there! I hope you had an awesome day! This is a picture from sunset tonight.

Book Writing 101

I'm writing a book. I'm writing a book about my grandmother. She was a great lady and touched the lives of many, and I want the rest of the world to have a chance to know about her. I would like to ask you guys to pray about this book and the process I'll be going through to get it written. I love you all and I pray that you're having a super fun and safe summer break!

~Stella

Stella "Tear" Jane Abernathy Pierce - my grandmother

Please pray for my dad and all his family. My grandmother died yesterday and it always seems that no matter how much you prepare yourself for a death, you're never quite ready.

~Stella

create your own visited country map

Apparently I can only travel in a straight line! LOL I haven't been to Alaska yet but it includes it as part of the USA.

Things

I feel really weird today. I've felt like this for a few weeks now, and I still don't understand my problem. I look around me and it seems like everybody else's lives are moving forward. Mine just seems to be sitting still. I'm no closer to graduating College. I'm no closer to getting married. I'm no closer to having a real job. And all the while people I know are leaving JSU. I look around me and it's a different group of people that surround me. I don't know how to get out of this state of being. I don't feel that I have wasted any of my time on this earth, but at the same time I don't feel like I've gotten anywhere. I'm going all these places but I'm not getting anywhere. Should that matter? What am I supposed to be learning from all this. Am I being led astray and I don't know it? Or is this feeling what's leading me astray?

Pray.

~stella

Spring Break 2006

Well guys it's off to West Chester, PA for me. I'm going to West Chester on a mission trip with the BCM. Then on next Friday I'll be flying from Pennsylvania to Ukraine. I'll be teaching English for a week in Ukraine. I can't wait! Another stamp for my passport. On the way home from Ukraine we'll be spending the night in Vienna, so we get to tour Vienna! I'm very excited!! God rocks!!!

~Stella

Update on life in J'ville

I'm doing a lot better now. I've come to terms with the things I must do. Week after next I will be going to West Chester, PA on a mission trip for the week of spring break. After that I'll be flying from Philly to Washington to meet up with another group, then we'll fly to Ukraine. Somewhere I've never been. God has been using me everywhere. I wonder if I should consider being a full time missionary. Of course we are all call to be missionaries, God told us to make disciples as we are going.

I must say that since I've been back from Wales I've felt under constant attack. I've been hit from all sides. It's really weird, because I've never had such a hard time coming back to the US. I just can not get into the rhythm here. There's a flow to life and when you leave for three months and come back you have to try and reenter that flow. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about here. It's hard to explain unless you've been through it as well. The great thing is that through everything God has provided. He's given me a job as a semester missionary at my college. And has provided a way for me to go to Ukraine and teach English for a week.

I think the hardest thing I've had to deal with (other than my grandmother's illness) is how much everything changed while I was away. Everybody I knew before I left is different. I'm trying to figure out who these people are. Some of them were my closest friends others are just friends, but regardless of closeness, they have all changed. Some for the better and some for the worst. It's like they all said, "Stella's gone, let's go crazy." I know that wasn't the case it just feels that way. I don't think of myself as someone so important that this place can't run without me.

I would ask that you pray for my school, BCM, family, and me. I pray that God would bless your life as much as He has blessed me!

~Stella

Life

So..... life. Yeah life. I just went through a very uplifting couple of days to one of the darkest days yet. This weekend I went to CEC (Collegiate Evangelism Conference). It was great! God opened my eyes a little more to things going on in Asia. It was heart breaking to hear of the persecution going on, but heart warming to hear of all the lives being changed because of the name of Jesus Christ. I really enjoyed spending time worshipping with a large group of people my age, ok, close to my age.

On the way home from Montgomery my mom met us in Sylacauga and took me to Dadeville. I had been told that I should really come see my grandmother. We call her Tear. She is the person I have looked up to my entire life. What do you do when you're told this could be the last coherent conversation with your grandmother? My daddy said,"If there's anything you want Tear to know, you better tell her now. Right now she's still in her right mind and she's willing to talk." What did I do? I choked. What do you tell your role model? Where do you start? I love you so much it hurts right now for me to make myself have this conversation with you.

All I could tell her was that I loved her. I spent all of Sunday at her bedside. I helped move her into a hospital bed that hospice brought. While the man was setting up the bed I had my heart broken. Tear look at me with such a longing my heart broke and then she said,"I wish we could pull you out of school and then you could come live with me." What am I suppose to do with that? The whole time I was in Wales and my family was telling me Tear was getting worse, I contemplated: coming home, withdrawing from school, and living with her till she passed. And now to have her ask me that very thing at a time like this I don't know what to do. I feel as though I'm a bad person either way. If I pack up and leave I'm horrible. It would mean dropping out of the musical, quitting my semester missionary job here at JSU that I just started, and leaving Valerie with no roommate. If I stay here I'm a horrible person to myself and possibly Tear. I'd be letting down the one person on this planet that I truly don't want to disappoint.

My mind just keeps saying....What if you stay at JSU and she dies? Will you ever be able to forgive yourself? I know the answer to that. NO. I'm the only one in the family right now that could feasibly drop what I'm doing and go and take care of her. And this is Tear. She's one of the few people I would and am more than willing to make that sacrifice. I know that I can't heal her or take her out of her pain, but I can be by her side and tend to her. It's what she wants, who am I to let her down? At the same time, who am I to put a lot of people in a tight spot just to appease the greatest person in my life? I hate this. God show me what I'm suppose to do! I don't know what You want me to do. I'm confused but I know You are the One that can help me. I love You!
Pray for my family and me, please.
~Stella

Crazy for you!

Stella is now official in her first college musical! As non other than Velma the follies girl. That's right every fear Stella has ever had over being an actor are all contained within this one part. It's now or never! To act or not to act. My character is an exact 180 degrees from me. This is to be my finest performance ever! The name of the musical is Gershwin's "Crazy for You."

The question of the day...... How do you stop being you and start acting the complete opposite? Does acting a certain role in a play go against Godly morals?

Perplexed
~Stella