Ok now that the dust has settled....

Sorry for the blocking of my blog for a time. It was something that had to be done. With God's help and guidance life is returning to normal. Peace. Peace in my life is what I needed and it's what God has provided.

I've been wondering lately if I'll ever settle down. I used to think that that's what I wanted more than anything, but now I'm not so sure. I'm such a restless person. I'm ready to move out of Alabama, and at the same time I don't want to leave. I hate staying in one place for too long. I need a change of scenery. I definitely need a new job. One thing I love about costuming is the fact that your job (although on the surface is the same) changes everyday.

I miss Willamstown a lot these days. I should have gone again this summer. I miss having a Thai and Sushi place within walking distance. I miss the quiet. It's so peaceful there. I'm sure it's not quiet when school's in session. I looked at transferring there the other day. Then I felt bad. I don't want to leave Jacksonville as much as I think I do. There's too much that I would miss. I would miss being just two hours away from my family, living with Valerie, being close to Matt, making pancakes every semester with Gary at the BCM, and the drama department; just to name a few.

I thought about how much I missed this silly little town while I was in Wales. I tried not to get attached to this place but it happened all the same. I've grown up a lot here. Tuscaloosa was the worst two years of my life. I was my worst when I was there. I didn't care about anything or anybody but myself. I ignored God and acted like He wasn't there. Then I came to Jacksonville and all that changed. God taught me first how to love myself and get rid of the false humility in my life. That took some time. Then He took me out into the world and showed me other countries. He opened my eyes to the way others in the world live day to day and how they worshiped Him daily. He showed me how to have compassion and show mercy to those people less fortunate than myself. He showed me how to see people thru His eyes. To see the person they could be if they would just turn to Him fully. Let me tell you, people look a lot different in that view.

At times it's frustrating to deal with people who aren't where you are spiritually. Their outlook on life is so different. They only focus on the here and now instead of the hereafter. Nothing on this earth matters more than your relationship with God. Nothing. He's taught me recently how to handle untruths said about you. Jesus had the same problem. He didn't have to defend himself because He was blameless. God's taught me that it isn't necessary to defend yourself if you are living your life right. It matters not what others say, it only matters what God says about your life. Jesus is the One you should be comparing yourself to not others.

He's also been showing me some areas that I need to work on. Patience is a big one. I'm in to big of a hurry these days. I have to slow down and wait for His calling. He's challenging how I view Him, and how I live my life. I've taken my eyes off Him and because of that I was almost swallowed by the crashing waves (or the world). God amazes me with His grace everyday. "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound. Amazing grace now flowing down."

God, hold me close. Let me know that You are here. Don't give up on Your child. I'm trying to learn Your ways for they are greater than my own. Teach me. Use me. Love me. Guide me. I'm listening........

~Stella